


Same as Always

by BrideOfThorns



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Isolation, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15811476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrideOfThorns/pseuds/BrideOfThorns
Summary: Ran feels broken, things never seem to change. Will she ever untangle the mess of feelings left inside her?





	Same as Always

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the first chapter of a (i don't know like 5 chapter or so) story. Later chapters will have more mushy romance but it will probably be a lot more subdued and tumultuous because of the way I'm definitely not projecting writing Ran.
> 
> I hope that this isn't too much.

Ran always seemed cool to everyone around her. When people looked at her, when they talked to her, when they heard about her, the first impression that most people got was “Wow, this girl is cool,” or “She’s so laid-back!’

To Ran though, she was anything but.

As she sat scrunched up in the corner of the Haneoka High roof, her mind was rushing at a mile a minute. She thought about her band, her friends, she thought about her girlfriends. She thought about what she should do and how, and the plans for the future; what tomorrow would be like. Unfortunately all of these thoughts never seemed to go anywhere, and all she was left thinking about as the sun set slowly across the horizon, was the voice of her father, and just how right he was.

Ran liked to stay on the roof of school alone more and more these days. While she used to go out with the rest of her bandmates, laughing and smiling with them wherever they went, these days the only thing she seemed to be around for was band practice. Those times she seemed like the normal Ran to everyone else, which left most of her friends largely unconcerned. She could fake emotions easily, she knew what she was supposed to feel and when, and no one ever batted an eye because they figured it was all part of her distant “cool girl” persona. 

As she started to make the trek back home alone, she walked as slowly as she could, stopping every now and again to look at her phone or the ever darkening sky. She didn’t want to be home. Home meant a lot of things, and to Ran none of those things were ever good. The slower she got home, the higher the chance that she would be able to sneak in unnoticed, hopefully past her father and just pretend to be asleep for the rest of the night just to be safe.

Most adults in her life thought that Mr. Mitake was just your average nice guy. The worst sort of jeers sent his way were cracks about being a workaholic, but his daughter had plenty more in her mind. Ran’s earliest memories of her father involved a rather simple man, one who would do silly things like put flowers in her hair, or play with her stuffed animals, making them perform pretend ceremonies and the like. Those were the early memories though, and for the last ten years the only things left to remember were bruises and beratings. 

> “Hey Ranran~~~~~~” <

Moca always used a ridiculous amount of whatever the hell that squiggly line thing was called after every word, and though she’d never admit it Ran wouldn’t have it any other way. She started up a response but was quickly beat by another message.

> “You’ll probably say “Moca you moron it’s too late” but do you wanna go out with me and Tomoe to get some………………………………………………………..bread” <

Ran couldn’t help but smile at her absolute weirdo of a girlfriend, but even though she really wanted to go, she quickly focused on making sure she could sneak into her room safely first. 

She inhaled sharply and bit the inside of her cheek as she opened the door as quietly as she could. When she noticed that the lights were all off (meaning no one was home), she let out a long deep sigh and sank into the door as she pushed it closed.  

Ran was good at hiding the injuries from her father, just as good as he was at making sure that it was somewhere that’d be hard to see. You’d be hard pressed to find Ran outside of a zipped up jacket or hoodie, if only because it meant an easier way to cover her torso and forearms completely. She had tried to get help from the school before, mentioning to a guidance counselor once that her father mistreated her (an overly nice way of describing the things he did), but that counselor just assumed this was all part of Ran’s troublemaker rebel phase and joked to him about it (a real “Narc” move as Moca would put it). 

After that it was never just a beating from her father whenever he was in the wrong mood. Ran would get lectured, talked down to, she would never be able to think she was right. Her father made sure to ridicule every aspect of her personalized self, made sure to bring up every failure he’d ever seen, or even invent new ones. To him she was everything that could be possibly wrong with his life. If she had just been a normal girl, if she could just join the family business and work for him. 

If she could just do this one thing

If she could just do everything. 

All Ran could ever believe at this point was that she deserved it, but even still some part of her tried to defend herself instead of slinking away. Her close friends roughly knew about things, but she had done her best to downplay it, and she had made sure that none of them would ever try to tell someone about the situation ever again. She didn’t want to make things worse.

_ Shit, Moca! _

Before she knew it, Ran had been sitting in the doorway for almost twenty minutes, and she quickly rushed to her room before she could get caught by a returning father. 

She checked her phone to see seven new texts from Moca, the first couple being variations on “pretty pwease!” and the rest being the bread mascot stickers she always loved to use.

Before she could respond (again!) Moca tried to sweeten the deal.

> "You can even bring the token mean girl if you want~~~~~~~~" <

Ran really wanted to go, she loved being with Moca and even still if she could rope Yukina into coming along it would be even better. Though Ran was a common thread between the two, Yukina seemingly wanted to destroy Moca every time they crossed paths. The second Moca opened her mouth to say literally anything you could almost see Yukina’s fists clench, like a fight or flight response.

Ran started to get excited, but as she heard the front door slam shut, she realized what her response would have to be.

> “I’d love to go get “bread” with you noob but I’ve got a lot of homework to catch up on so I’ll have to pass this time” <

Ran shut off her light and sat down on her bed, pulling off her socks and easing the leather jacket off her skin, always careful to avoid rubbing up against the tender marks on her arms. 

> “Same as always...okay.” <

Ran’s mouth tightened at Moca’s response. Since her response to almost every question of “How’s it going?” or “what’s up?” always seemed to be “Same as always”, it quickly became a running joke amongst her friends who loved to tease her. Though everyone else thought it was just a funny quirk, one that she even went along with, Ran always felt sharp claws inside her chest whenever the phrase was used on her.

> “Love you Ranran~~~~~~~~~~” <

Ran dropped her phone off the side of her bed and quickly grabbed a pillow to roll over onto. She squeezed the pillow tight against her chest as she tried to be as quiet as she possibly could. She heard the echoing knock at her door, and put on the same fake sleeping routine she had become so good at as her father opened the door.

After the longest ten seconds imaginable, the door shut, and Ran felt those easy tears roll down her cheeks. 

_"Someday things will be different"_ , she hoped as she tried to force herself into an early sleep. 

_ Someday I’ll be free. _

**_This won’t always be always._ **


End file.
